Part 4 of the Third Annual Blinky Awards

BillBill: "And now to present the next award we take you live (and we use that term loosely), to the Springfield Retirement Castle, where residents Abraham Simpson and Jasper are standing by."

Abe and Jasper

MartyMarty:(to Abe on a monitor at the retirement home) "How ya doin' there Abe?"

AbeAbe: "Huh? Is that Ed Sullivan?"

MartyMarty: "No, Mr. Simpson. I'm Marty and this is Bill. We're from KBBL Radio, but today we're hosting the Third Annual Blinky Awards, and you and your friend Jasper are presenting an award."

AbeAbe: "Friend? That old coot only hangs around me because we have to share the Retirement Castle's one dialysis machine."

JasperJasper: "Don't forget the colostomy bags! Anyway, what's with all the cameras Abe? Did the rich old widow on the second floor finally kick off?"

AbeAbe: "Yes, but that was three weeks ago. These two fellers are from the radio! They want to give us an award!"

BillBill: "No. You're PRESENTING an award. Just read the cards that the nice men are holding up from behind the cameras."

JasperJasper: "Consarnit, you know I can't read. On account of I'm blind."

AbeAbe: "That's ok, I've still got one fourth of a good eye. Lets see here...Wha? Accessories? What's that? Like a purse?"

BillBill: (angrily) "No! This is an award for the best accessories that came with the World of Springfield line of toys in the last year."

AbeAbe: "Ohh how fancy dancy!"

JasperJasper: "Yeah, in our day toys didn't come with accessories at all. I remember I had a G.I. Jimbo that was made out of wood AND glass, had quite a few sharp edges to boot. There were plenty of cuts and splinters from playtime back then. By gar, thems was the good old days. Toys taught ya how to be a man back then."

AbeAbe: "Yeah, I remember them days. Isn't that toy the reason you lost you lost your leg?"

JasperJasper: "Yep. One of them."

MartyMarty: (from back at the award show) "Could you just read the nominees for Best Accessory? We're on a bit of a schedule here."

AbeAbe: "Ohhhh, is that the way you want to play it, huh? The old men are too boring and senile to get the job done. We ramble on for too long about events that may not have actually happened, right? Is that it?"

BillBill: "Pretty much."

MartyMarty: "Yeah."

AbeAbe: "Fine, then we're leaving. You get one of your hip young polka stars to read the nominees, I need a nap."

Abe and Jasper walk away from the camera leaving the room empty for a moment.

BillBill: "Well that's just great, who's going to read the nominees for Best WoS Accessory now?"

Suddenly, the Crazy Old Man walks into view and looks at Bill and Marty through the monitor.

Crazy Old Man

Crazy Old ManCrazy Old Man: "Excuse me, sonny. I'll read the nominees on one condition."

BillBill: "What's that?"

Crazy Old ManCrazy Old Man: "Ya let me dance for the cameras when I'm done."

BillBill: "Fine, it's probably better than the next musical number we had planned anyway."

We see Captain McAllister dressed like a schoolboy with a giant lollipop backstage. His head sinks and he walks away, insulted.

CaptainCaptain: "Yarrr...I'm not musically inclined..."

Back to the Retirement Castle...

Crazy Old ManCrazy Old Man: "You got yourselves a deal then. The nominees for "Best Accessory" are..."

  1. Cletus' Roadkill
  2. Selma's Iguana Jub-Jub
  3. Mr. Burns' Bear Bobo
  4. Hank Scorpio's Flamethrower
  5. Lionel Hutz's Smoking Monkey

Crazy Old ManCrazy Old Man: "And the winner is ... Lionel Hutz's Smoking Monkey."

Best Accessory

Crazy Old ManCrazy Old Man: "You know, I remember an old television show starring a smoking monkey, the Laramie cigarette company sponsored it. It was the hit program of the 1929 television season! Boy, could that monkey ever sing! Like an angel, he was. And now, I gets ta dance!"

COM drops his pants and begins to sing "Old Grey Mare" when the camera suddenly cuts to Bill.

BillBill: "Ok folks, we'll be right back after this word from our sponsor!"

continue to the next section

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