Awards! Thanks to the SCS. Kashmir! Call me!"

[Thanks to Zen411 for the images and script!]

v class="byline"> by Zen411 and blueduck37 on Sunday, May 09, 2004


The time has come for the presentation of the Montgomery Burns Award for Outstanding Acievement in the Field of Excellence in the Simpsons collecting community. Mr. Burns arrives at the podium.

Burns: "Hello, people of Springfield. It is my honor to present this Award for Outstanding Achievement in the Field of Excellence. I am thrilled to be here at this prestigious.. a lair is it? present the award. The competition was very stiff and the votes were close. But the winner is.... Blueduck37. Yes, very good job young geek."

Burns: "Here's your award, Mr. Duck. This completes our agreement. Too bad that Comic Book Guy failed to put a trap door in here."

Blueduck: "Thank you, Mr. Burns... I think. First off, I want to thank Playmates Toys for their dedication to the collectors and for creating the line that brought us all together in the first place. Secondly, I want to thank all the other members of the SCS staff for keeping things running smoothly on a daily basis. You guys are the best!"

During the speech, the mobsters have surrounded The Collector off stage

Fat Tony: "Mr. Book Guy, my associates have completed your wheelchair ramp per our agreement. Here is your bill, payable NOW."

Collector: "That ramp is a piece of crap the likes of which I have not seen since 'The Phantom Menace'. I refuse to pay."

Fat Tony: "I recall that you asked for the Economy model. I also recall buying these nice GUNS at Bloodbath and Beyond. Do you like our guns, Collector?"

Collector: "Fine. Whatever. I just received a PayPal payment from my 89th Glow in the Dark Homer sale this month, so you may have it."

Back at the ceremony...

Krusty: "It is now time for me to present the 'Best Accessory of 2003' award. And the winner is.... (*opens envelope*)... Stephen Hawking for his wheelchair accessories!"

Stephen Hawking starts rolling up the new wheelchair ramp to accept...

The ramp collapses and Hawking crashes several feet to the ground

Dr. Hibbert attends to Dr. Hawking

Hawking (voicebox): "It is somewhat ironic that the very accessories for which I won this award could have saved me from a nasty fall."

Hibbert and Krusty laugh in unison.

Krusty: "Hey hey! Now to present the 'Best Variant' award are the Be Sharps!"

Be Sharp Apu: "This is the first time we've reunited since the first time we reunited since that stupid Dame Edna Special. This is making that Dame Edna special look a lot less stupid."

Be Sharp Barney: "Plus the host was more attractive on the Dame Edna special."

Be Sharp Skinner: "The host on the Dame Edna special is really a man, Barney."

Be Sharp Barney: "She sure drank like a man! But she kissed like a ... hmm, uh oh. Well that is uncomfortable, isn't it."

Be Sharp Homer: "Speaking for a group of variants, it is honor to present the award for 'Best Variant of 2003'. The winner is.... The Collector!"

Collector: "Thank you for this award. I am collecting awards tonight like I collect my favorite celebrities! I assume no responsibility for what happened to Stephen Hawking earlier. I am afraid to say he will never walk again. Hah hah. Oh, I slay me. Anyways, hopefully the value of the Stephen Hawking figure will go up as a result. Please check out my auctions at eBay! Seller name: NoMorals742."

Krusty: "And now to present the final award of the night... for 'Best Male Figure' is one of Springfield Elementary's more special students, Ralph Wiggum!"

Ralph: "Hi, I'm Ralph! I get to give this trophy to the Best Mail. The best mail I ever got was a box of Krusty brand 'Smokin Good Fun' toys. Those tasted like Grandma kisses and made Daddy angry."

Krusty jumps in to explain

Krusty: "Heh heh... Those Krusty Brand self igniting cigarettes were sent to my fan club as a promotional item. I was told that the box said "Do not smoke these until you are old enough." There. That should make my lawyer happy. Take it away, you little scamp!"

Ralph: "The winner is Dr. Stephen Pidgeon!"

Hawking enters the stage

Ralph: "Hi, Dr. Hawkings. I'm Dr. Stupid."

Hawking (voicebox): "Thank you, young man."

Ralph: "Dr. Eagle, can you help me with my tummy troubles?"

Hawking (voicebox): "I am sorry. I am not that kind of doctor."

Ralph: "You sound like my Funzo. Your wheelchair has training wheels."

Hawking (voicebox): "Thank you. Your intelligence rivals that of many of your elders in this town."

Ralph: "Bye, Dr. Bluejay."

The Collector emerges to confront Hawking

Collector: "Congratulations. That award should have been mine. I was hoping that I would win by default after your unfortunate fall. Let me take it out of your hands since you must be having trouble holding it."

Hawking: "Let me give YOU a hand."

Boxing glove shoots out and knocks out Collector

Hawking (voicebox): "Thank you to those who voted for me. I must go. Princess Kashmir is eagerly awaiting me."

Krusty: "Thanks for coming out. This concludes the Fourth Annual Blinky Awards! Thanks to the SCS. Kashmir! Call me!"

[Thanks to Zen411 for the images and script!]

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