Please join us for the Second Annual Blinky Awards...
Outside the Auditorium, there are stands lined up on either side of a red carpet, stretching from the street to the doorway. The stands are filled to the breaking point with fans of the show and collectors from all over the internet.
Announcer:"Ladies and Gentlemen, coming to you live from the newly-rennovated Springfield Civic Auditorium, it's the Second Annual Blinky Awards."
Kent "Hello everyone. I'm Kent Brockman, live here on the red carpet to bring you all the excitement, cheers and tears that those other award shows wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole. Everybody say hello to my co-host, Krusty the Klown!"
Krusty: "Hey, hey, Springfield! Welcome to the show. Tonight we honor the new members of our fair city, as well as revisit some of our old favorites. You'll see figures like Martin Prince, Lenny, Slideshow Mel... uh Sideshow Mel Sideshow Mel, and many more, tonight right here on... FOX?! Ah Crap! Nobody's gonna see this. This is gonna be worse than the time I appeared at the midnight Grand Opening of that Coin-Operated Car Wash in Junkyville. I'm gonna fire my agent you good-for-nothing, lazy bum. You can kiss my big white clown a..."
Kent: "Uh, you know Krusty, FOX has the highest ratings for this time slot, ever since they took Jerry Springer off the air."
(under his breath)
"I guess all those Slack-Jawed Yokels needed something else to watch."
Krusty: "Hey genius, your mic's still on."
A shocked look from Kent.
Krusty: "In a rare stroke of genius tonight, the producers of the show sent out phony awards show invitations to all Comic Book Guys, Scalpers and Wizard/Toyfare employees in the known universe, informing them that tonight's show was to be broadcast from high atop the Murderhorne mountain. Let's go to the mountain cam and look in on our phony awards show."
Krusty: "Hey, what's goin' on? Who's running this show?"
Pimple-faced Teen: "Uh, sorry sir. I spilled my Fresca all over the board, but I think we've got it under control now."
We see a set of bleachers set up along a snow covered stretch of field. The snow is falling and winds are high.
Toyfare Employee : "I can't wait for Boxing Homer to show up. He said he was going to come to my house in early November, and he still hasn't made it out there. Oh well, I'll just grab him when I see him, and add him to my stack. Ha ha ha ha ha."
Back to the red carpet.
Kent: "Enjoy the weather boys. Of course I know there's no way they could enjoy that much cold, but I'm nice and toasty over here."
Krusty: "I think you mean toasted. " (Makes a 'glug, glug' motion.)
Kent: "Bite me clown. Some people might think this was a little extreme, but we remind you that, these are scalpers after all. Plus, this was the only way we could be certain that these scalpers would be nowhere near such exclusive figures as Flanders the Devil... oh, excuse me, that should be Flanders "as" the Devil..."
Homer's voice: "Yeah, right."
Kent: (Annoyedly glances at the crowd.) "...Glow in the Dark Homer and many others who are in attendance tonight. Well speak of the Devil and he shall appear, here he comes now. Hello Ned."
Devil Flanders: "Well hey-diddly-ho there newsman, look at all this glitter and sinful use of the letter 'X'. Hey Krusty, I was expecting you last month."
Krusty: "Uh yeah, I got lost on the way, I couldn't find the place, my car broke down... uh, what's that over there?!"
Krusty runs off panicked and in a hurry.
Kent: "Now Satan, everyone here is talking about how you are banned from this year's show. Would you care to elaborate on this?"
Devil Flanders: "Well Kent, in most award shows it's customary for last year's winner to present the award for the current year. But being the Devil, no one seems to believe I won fair and square. So they do-dang-diddly-barred me from this Ceremony. I've got a court order that prevents me from entering the building. Well sir, I just feel lower than a scalper charging four times retail on a Toy-Unfair exclusive Playmates' Comic Book Guy repaint figure pre-sell."
Kent: "I'm gonna say 'ouch!' for the scalpers. Speaking of scalpers, let's check back in on our phony awards show."
We see the ToyFare Employee shivering in the freezing cold.
Toyfare Employee : "What's taking everyone so long? I'm going to make my brother buy this stupid awards show so that next time it will be punctual, and begin when it says it's going to begin... oh now I'm just getting delusional."
Back to the red carpet
Kent: "Well who isn't? These nerds watching the show call themselves "collectors", Krusty thinks he's gonna live to see his next birthday, and I'm doing a bang-up job here. You tell me who's delusional."
Kent stares into the camera with a cynical look on his face. Behind him, Krusty runs across the carpet screaming.
Krusty: "You can't have my soul! I still need it!"
Devil Flanders: "Get back here you big baby, it won't hurt much. You can't run forever."
Kent: "Well look at this, here comes our town's oldest and wealthiest man. He's also the man responsible for a resurgence in Plague related illnesses, Pin Pal Burns. Hello Mr. Burns, what do think about this huge turnout?"
Pin Pal Burns: "Hello Kent, it's wonderful to see all these people here today cheering me on."
Kent: "Uh, they're all boo-ing you Mr. Burns."
Pin Pal Burns: "Oh. I thought they were saying Boo-urns. I'll give you all such a thrashing. Smithers! Destroy these fans."
From inside the limousine
Smithers: "I'm not going out there in this maid outfit. I've never worn this before in my life... in public."
Pin Pal Burns: "Pish posh! Get out here now, and destroy those people."
We see Smithers start to climb out of the limousine. Just then a loud static sound breaks in and we lose the picture. Then it begins to return to focus.
Kodos: "Attention people of Earth. We interrupt this ceremony to tell you our diabolical plan of diab... of... really bad stuff."
Kang: "Yes. We came here to broadcast to the entire planet that we are here to..."
Kodos leans over and whispers something to Kang.
"Really? FOX? Then nobody's watching. Oh well, we will tell you our plan, but you have to promise to tell all your friends about it."
Kodos leans over and whispers something to Kang again.
"Yes I know they don't have many friends if they're watching but... would you just let me do my show?"
Kodos: "Fine! I'll be in the kitchen, drowning my sorrows with ice cream."
Kang: "People of Earth, we are here to select your best and your brightest to take aboard our spaceship and study, to find out how we may use your strengths to our advantage. So go on and have your awards show. Let us see what you're really made of Springfield. Then it will be our time to shine. We'll just get the gang-probing machine warmed up. When I say warm, I mean Farenheight, 451 degrees. A ha ha ha ha ha..."
Star wipe, and we're back on the red carpet with Kent and Krusty.
Kent: "A chilling vision of things to come. Well it's almost time for the show to begin, but first a word from our sponsor."
Mr. Sparkle: "Kon ichi wa! Hello chief, let's talk why not? I am disrespectful to boredom. Can you see that I'm serious?! For lucky best wash, use Mr. Sparkle."
Krusty: "Man, next to that shameless plug, I look like Betty Crocker."
Kent: "Well Krusty, that's what happens when you wear an apron while appearing on television."
Krusty: "It's not an apron newsboy. It's my anti-demon suit for keeping that demon away from me."
Kent: "You mean Flanders?"
Krusty: "No, I mean the real demon here... advertising!"
A brief silence.
Kent: "Well luckily, our show tonight is brought to you commercial free by the Mr. Sparkle Corporation. Odd that a Japanese company would sponsor a Springfield event since Hokaido is half way around the world, but whatever pays the bills right? We now take you inside to the host of the Second Annual Blinky Awards, Troy McClure."
Photographs by blueduck37 with help from aga2k1.
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