Please join us for Part 3 of the Second Annual Blinky Awards...
Troy: "Yes, yes, very important. When you mention Springfield to anyone not from here, what's the first thing they think of? That's right, locations. From the Kwik-E-Mart to Moe's Tavern, Springfield is home to some of the best places to shop, get drunk or just hang out. Nobody knows this better than our next presenters, Manager of the Kwik-E-Mart Apu Nahas-a...pasa...lon and local Sud Slinger Moe Syszlak.
Moe: "Yeah, thanks there, uh, Troy. Hey everybody, swing by Moe's later and we'll all get drunk and stupid and naked."
Apu: "Yes that's all well and good, but these figures can't go to Moe's Bar yet, now can they? Ha! Your bar was cancelled you silly little man, now they will have to buy non-alchoholic beverages at alchoholic prices in my store. Ha!"
Moe: "Wow, you... you didn't have to get personal there with the cancelled bar, 'cause you know, it wasn't my fault... and the... Waaaaa haaaa!"
Moe runs off stage crying.
Sympathetic "Aww" from the audience.
Apu: "Yes, yes, it is a crying shame that you had to leave."
Laughter from the audience.
Wiggum: "Ha. Ha ha, yeah he sure turned that one around. Ha ha ha. Look at Moe. Cryin' like a little girl and everything."
Apu: "OK, ok, let us be getting on with it. The nominees for Best Interactive Environment, which my Kwik-E-Mart won last year by the way, are:"
Comic Book Shop
"There's plenty of Milhouse to go around." - Milhouse
First Church of Springfield
"I think I may be coveting my own wife." - Ned Flanders
"Oh. I suppose you wanna probe me." - Homer
"Hit the change of venue button. NOW!" - Bart
"Look at that. All the way to the end with only one push." - Mr. Burns
Apu: "And the Blinky goes to... oh my goodness, who can believe it? It's the Android's Dungeon and Comic Book Shop. Accepting the award is Comic Book Guy who came with the Android's Dungeon."
Lou and Eddie escort a handcuffed Comic Book Guy to the podium.
Comic Book Guy: "Thank you so much for this prestigious award. I am so surprised to be receiving it. The other environments are very deserving. (Rolls his eyes). I'd like to say thank you to producers of Yellow Daredevil, Tickle-Me-Funzo and all things glow-in-the-dark, for making my comic shop as profitable as it is today."
Total silence from the audience and crickets chirping as Lou and Eddie lead Comic Book Guy back to his jail cell.
Troy: "Ah, nothing fills my heart with joy quite like the tears of a grown man. A ha ha ha! We've got a special treat for you, another new category. That's right, the producers of this show told me that they wanted to give some praise to those collectibles that aren't part of the World of Sprinfield collection, but are still great items nontheless. Here to give the award for Best Non-WoS Item are school busdriver Otto and elementary school teacher Edna Krabappel."
Otto: "Woah, those lights are bright! I just woke up, and I'm already tired. Hey Mrs. K, what are you doing here?"
Krabappel: "Well Otto, if you'd bother to show up for rehearsal you'd know that you and I are supposed to present this award together."
Otto: "You and I, together eh? So, what are you doing later? You wanna come for a ride on 'Otto's Crazy Train' or climb the 'Stairway to Otto Heaven'?"
Krabappel: "I don't think so. Are you even going to read your lines or do I have to do that for you?"
Otto: "No, I can read my own lines. I'm one hundred percent self reliant. I don't live with my mother or anything."
Krabappel: "Really? Hmm..." (whispers to Otto) "Meet me after the show in the alley."
Otto: "Alright! I'm gonna score. I gotta go change."
Otto runs off stage and Krabappel realizes she's standing on stage in front of everyone.
Krabappel: (Nervous laughter) "The nominees are:"
Season 1 DVD
Burger King Spooky Light-Ups
Talking Evil Krusty Doll
Krabappel: (quickly) "The winner is the Season 1 DVD Set. Very nice, congratulations. Gotta go!"
Krabappel runs off stage.
Troy: "Alright. I think we all have one of those, right? Now, I'd like to get serious for a moment."
Carl: "Hey, you were supposed to be serious in "Once Upon a Time on the Capitol City Subway", but all that made me do was laugh, at your performance!"
Lenny: "You tell him Carl."
Carl: "Hey, do I comment on your jokes?"
Lenny: "All the time. That's what makes us such a great pair, our comedic timing."
Troy: "Hey, nobody's perfect, right? Right?"
Crickets can be heard chirping.
Troy: (sigh) "This next category is one that is important to us and everyone in the collecting community. We started a tradition last year to single out that individual in our community who has gone above and beyond the call of duty, and has really had the most direct impact on the collectors and the toy line itself. We're awarding a Blinky tonight for Outstanding Achievement in the Field of Simpsons Collecting Excellence. We were going to have last year's winner markwars1972 present the award, but the censors told us that we were not allowed to show pants-less people on National TV. So instead, we've hired a Jebediah Springfield look-alike to present the award. Oh Jebadiah, come on out here."
Pimple Faced Teen comes out in rustic clothes and a racoon skin cap.
Jebediah: "When I founded this city many years ago, it was merely a way for us to prove our superiority to Shelbyville and his city. In many ways we have. We have merchandise surrounding the most popluar family in Springfield, and now we have a line of toys which embiggens the popularity of every one of us that have been made so far. Right now, we are going to honor those individuals who have given their heart and soul into the betterment of the Simpsons collecting hobby, and gone the extra mile to help the fans in their on-going quests to fullfill their collections, and therby fullfilling their lives. Each of our nominees has stood out in the community over the last year, and we honor them all now."
Cheers and applause rain down from the audience and fill the auditorium.
Jebediah: "The nominees are:"
Michael Crawford MWC
Rick at New Force Comics
Jeff Trojan at Playmates Toys
Jebediah: "And the winner is Rick from New Force Comics."
Rick makes his way up to the stage amid a thunderous applause from everyone in attendance standing on their feet. He takes a bow, then stands at the podium. He takes a moment and clears his throat.
Rick: "First, a big thank you to all who voted. It is nice to be recognized and I am honored by this award. Looking at the list of nominees, I think all should be, and are, recognized for their accomplishments and achievements.
Applause from the audience.
Rick: "What do I think of when I think of outstanding achievements in the field of Simpsons collecting and how it could relate to us? Well, while we tragically lost my wife's mother to cancer this year, we were able to reach out to Simpsons collectors through a series of auctions where the proceeds were all donated to cancer research and our local Hospice, who cared for my mother in law in her final days. That was what we were most proud of in 2001, and we owe a tremendous thank you and amount of gratitude to this board and its members.
Applause from the audience.
Rick: "Naturally we also try to bring Simpsons figures and collectibles directly to the collector at fair prices, no hassle in locating and with as good of service as we are able to give. To that end, we thank all our of customers and friends for their support, and we thank all who voted."
Applause and a standing ovation from the audience.
Troy: "For collectors everywhere, Rick I say thank you. Well folks, we're almost to the end of the show, but hang tight. You won't want to miss a second of this. This year, we have split the category Best Figure into male and female categories. Here to present the award for Best Female Figure of 2001 are our pre-show hosts, Krusty the Klown and Kent Brockman."
Kent: "Well Krusty, it's been a very long night, and now it's almost time to go home."
Krusty: "I'm sure the nominees for this category were very hard to assemble, seeing as how there were only 5 female figures even made this entire year."
Kent: "Those nominees for this (snicker) prestigious award..."
Krusty: "Hey, don't make fun. Besides, I'm going to take the winner out for dinner and a little, 'Krusty magic,' know what I mean?"
Kent: "The nominees are:"
"Did it just get fatter in here?"
"This year's tree is just perfect."
"Kids, you wanna go Christmas shopping?"
Christmas Maggie Riding Santa's Little Helper
"Ahh! He's got a board with a nail in it!"
Krusty: "And the winner is... aw crap! I mean, uh... Kodos. Well, looks like the date's off. That would never work out."
Troy looks both ways cautiously, then takes the Kodos figure from the stagehand.
Troy: (sexy growl) "Ooh baby, isn't she hot? Well here it is, the reason you all showed up tonight, the reason they paid me, and the reason you all showed up tonight. Time to present the award for the Best Male Figure of 2001. Help me welcome our presenters, Simpsons creator Matt Groening and last year's winner Police Chief Clancy Wiggum."
Matt: "Hi everybody!"
Wiggum: "Ha, way to steal someone else's catch phrase, lefty."
Matt Groening reaches into his pocket and pulls out a pencil. He takes the eraser, and removes Wiggum's mouth.
Matt: "Let's see you talk your way out of this one 'Chief Piggum'. Ha! It is a great honor to be here tonight presenting this award. The fact that so many millions of people tune into the show week after long, long week to watch a show about characters that I created is a feeling that no one could properly convey. Each and every one of you, the fans, are what made this show so popular, and made me so rich. Hmmm. I guess it's your line so I should give you back a voice."
Draws a mouth back on Wiggum.
Wiggum: "Whew! I could hardly breathe. Anyhow, it was a great honor being chosen the winner last year, but since we haven't seen a variant of me (and likely won't anytime soon) it's time for me to hand over this coveted award. The nominees for Best Male Figure of 2001 are:"
"Oh, wait I felt that. You didn't carry the one."
"Ya croquet playin' mit muncher."
Comic Book Guy
"Oh I've wasted my life."
"That's gonna replace the whale in my nightmares."
"I'll be back on the street in 24 hours."
Matt: "And the winner... of the 2001 Bliny Award for Best Male Figure is S..."
Snake jumps out from backstage, holding a gun in the air.
Snake: "Hold it right there, chumps! This award goes to..."
Snake takes an envelope from his pocket, and opens it.
Snake: "Me! Yoink!"
Snake grabs the Blinky and starts backing away.
Matt: "I don't think you understand, you did win the..."
Snake: "Quiet you! I don't need you to put words in my mouth. Besides, you're ruining my menacing getaway. Bye!"
Snake runs backstage and out of sight, laughing.
Troy: "That wraps up our show for tonight. On behalf of..."
A static breaks through and the picture once more returns to Kodos & Kang.
Kodos: "Earthlings, are you ready to meet your destiny? We're just now downloading the results from tonight's show."
Kang: "Let's see here, ooh he's a good one. Yes, this will make a nice addition. I... what? Kang? You mean, you like me? You really like me. (Kang begins to weep.) I can't believe it. I don't know what to say."
Kodos: "I as well have won an award? What are we to do? We certainly can't take ourselves as subjects of study now can we?"
Kang: "You raise an interesting point Kodos. I guess we'll have to leave this planet empty handed. The humans with their crafty ways have managed to foil our scheme. Drat. Alright Earthlings, we shall leave this place. But beware. WE SHALL RETURN!"
Kodos & Kang's spaceship blasts off from it's location orbiting the Earth, and zooms back into the depths of space.
Troy: "Looks like we outsmarted those aliens good, didn't we folks? Well it's been a blast and I'd like to stick around, but I have to have this tux back to the rental shop before the next full moon or they charge me a late fee. I would like to thank the producers of the show, the wonderful team of hard working people who decorated the auditorium, and of course you, the members of 'The Simpsons Collector Sector', the best community of Simpsons merchandise collectors and supporters in the entire world. Be sure to catch my Prime Time special Made for TV movie 'Jimmy Wickenstein and the Hunt for Col. Abados on Monster Island' this Thursday night, on FOX. Good night everybody."
Photographs by blueduck37 with help from aga2k1.
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